Poetic Mist

Tell me How

2010-04-10T06:02:00.001-07:00

Tell me How

tell me how am i supposed to live without you

especially now that i don't even know how to forget you

tell me how am i supposed to open my eyes

when all i've been seeing is what i called lies

i was almost near to being out of life

only your love is keeping me alive

everything doesn't matter to anymore

all i want is for you to come and open the door

coz no words can express how much i've been missing you

coz no feelings could tell how much i've been wanting you

coz no words can say how much i've been needing you

and no feelings could tell how much i've been loving you...

-Ren

Learn to Wait

2010-04-10T06:01:00.001-07:00

Learn to wait

Shake all those fears

Let joy replace them all

Wipe all those tears

Let your eyes call

Those feelings bitterly hidden

In your heart which is forbidden

Let your soul judge

Keep no grudge

Be not hurt

Feel no more pain

Don't let your eyes avert

Let the decision of your soul reign

Love who you want to love!

Don't stop, don't look away!

Don't just accept the other's love!

Because they'll be the one to stay!

Even if there's no little chance

Even though he says he wont

Things may change in a glance

Just learn to wait and wait!

-Ren :)

Harapin Mo

2010-04-10T06:00:00.000-07:00

Harapin ang bukas;

wag matakot;

matutong magtimpi.

Labanan ang pagkatakot.

Magkaruon ng tiwala sa sarili.

Nang tuluyan mo nang

malampasan mga hadlang

Na sa kinabukasan mo'y

pilit humaharang.

Matutong tumayo sa sarili mong paa

Nang hindi naa umasa pa sa iba.

Walang mapapala kung patuloy

kang magkukubli sa isang sulok

Pilitin mong makawala sa kadiliman;

sa iyong sariling pagkabusabos.

Buksan mo ang bintana nang kalinawagan;

nang makalaya ang siyang kaluluwang batid.

Huwag magsinungaling sa sarili.

Harapin ang katotohanan.

Buksan ang mga matang may lakas ng loob;

Hanapin mo ang katotohanan na bumabalot

sa kasinungalingan.

Nang maging maliwanag;

ang daang pinapatag.

Magmahal.

Magtiwala.

Maghintay.

Magsaya.

Umasa sa walang hanggang kasiyahan.

-REN. (akin toh) ;)

Seven Reasons

2010-02-16T07:21:00.002-08:00

Thanks for everything.

Thanks for the love and caring.

I appreciate it very much.

First of all,

From the first time we talked,

I thought you were one weird person,

for you asked me if I can be your lover.

Yet, i was so sad to know that you're just one

of the victims of the heart that destroys.

Second of all.

I want to show you the beauty of this world.

I want to show you what a true friend is.

I want to show you what a trust can do.

I want to show you the link that

connects the souls of humans.

Third.

I never expected that you would love me.

I never thought that you would be so sincere like this.

I never thought you're that passionate.

I never thought that you're one great person

whom in the very first, and very end, I admired.

Fourth.

Yet, I can't return back the feelings of yours.

I'm just here receiving it, and that's what I regret.

I don't want you to get hurt. I want to do something for you,

like what you did to me.

Fifth.

Yet, I have no time nor chance to do all of that.

My moments, my seconds, my chances are

all dedicated to the person I love.

I, myself, my own can't walk away from

the person I treasured now and even before I've met you.

I regret doing this to you.

But simply I can't.

Sixth

I know you'll understand me!

And I know that it would take a time

to really forget the feeling of love.

Yet, I know you're destined one will surely come,

and fetch you from your broken shell

and carry you to your better world

and show you beauty you've never seen.

Seventh.

When that time comes,

expect I'm behind your back,

pushing you through and catching you through.

While by your side is your fated person,

laughing with you, smiling with you, enjoying with you.

if only we could see everything we are meant to be.

2010-02-16T07:21:00.000-08:00

Life runs along the way, last for miles,

but as for some it cuts short, and for others so short.

So let's look ahead.

With our wishful dreams and hopes for future.

The darkness of sorrow, the light of happiness.

The swift breeze of morning, the warm atmosphere of noon.

Thousand leaves dancing at our feet.

Walking into the light of an anonymous.

And now we've come across the path.

All things we ought to know, now full of doubts.

Tears fall so heavily yet no one sees.

Cries, echo, ears itself can't hear.

Broken hearts all around.

Shatters and fall all around us.

As we fall to our knees, clutching our chests and weep in pain,

Does no one see?

Both broken life and broken dream?

As we are a part of nature,

the sky cries a broken song,

as we cry along to its shattering melody, studded rhythm

and of a once beautiful love song.

And as our relationships broaden there comes our friends.

Friends may come and go,

Some move along with their lives, leaving us behind.

Yet some stay and never let go.

Hands reach out as others never even try.

And everyone has a family.

A father that holds a young and talented daughter.

A mother that holds a strong and proud little boy

The future's bequest that they do see yet you do not see.

The world turns and spins.

And in the middle is where we stand.

In a twisting web, a tree of life.

if only we could see everything we are meant to be.

and tis was what I learned what love is

2010-02-16T07:18:00.000-08:00

I'll walk with you into the twilight's darkness.
I'll take your hand and make you feel happiness
Just the thought of us being together
Makes me form tears that lasts forever

My heart that's seeing you like this can't take it no more
It is hurting the very same way as yours
My gaze, eyes, heart, and soul that is all looking at you
is the same as your gaze, eyes, heart, and soul
that looks at the person who left you..

I want to give you everything I have
And shower you with all my love
Even if you remember the painful memories
I'll definitely erase them all and throw them in seas

Can you please turn around and look at me now?
Please give me a chance too! I'll take a bow!
I'll cover up the scar that person left in you with pride.
I'll take it upon myself, making up for it forever by your side
So give me a chance...

How I hope you could hold this heart.
Yes I'm weak so please don't depart.
I love you this much and my heart is still like this
If you are by my side i know there's nothing i'll miss
Even if something happens out of the blue
I can reach out as long as it is you
Even after today and till whenever
I know we'll love each other forever

With that brightest smile of yours sparkling my world
With the endless shower of flowers in my world
I curse this path that we've always walked on
Dye it with the brightest color ever lived.

For your sake I absolutely live and survive
Withstand and endure.
Stand up and Fall.
I'll do anything for you.
Even to sacrifice and give.
and tis was what I learned what love is.

PROM

2010-02-16T07:17:00.001-08:00

PROM.

Excited? No, i'm not.

It's just a damn dance.

An invitation

for a little celebration.

Too much expenses

for a little experience.

Too much expectations

Then later full of discriminations.

Too much transformation,

there comes admiration.

Too much fun.

yet later done.

Sweet Valentines

2010-02-16T07:15:00.002-08:00

Only If I can spend each little second with you

I would do anything and everything just to pursue

The happiness and joy, the smiles and laughters

We both dreamed of

This passion, sincerity and love will never fade

Even if chances, moments, and times itself forbade

Because no matter what the circumstances are

I'll bring you what you desire

Thanks, my love, for being the star of my valentine

I'm here, very grateful for this splendid time

Wondering how our fates and destinies entwine

And how our feet crossed the line

Im human but that is all that I am.

2010-02-16T07:15:00.000-08:00

Why was life never made easy?

I wonder when was it ever made right?

Im human but that is all that i am.

Im not made to live life through everything all alone.

I can't take every throw everyone's hitting at me.

I can stand only through so many before i fall.

And when i finally do...

Will everyone see all the bruises and scars they have left on me?

Then will they finally notice my tear-jerking face?

The misty confusion in my eyes?

I wonder what...

What have i done?

Was i wrong for trying to be there for you?

Was i so wrong for loving you?

I try to stand, they tripped me

I'm down, they stepped on my hands, I can't fight back.

They threw an arrow and dagger both through my heart.

And as i weap i say "im sorry" over and over again.

Do my words reach their ears?

Do my crys reach them at all?

They badmouthed and laugh at my back

They say cruel things that feels like a cut in my back.

I feel the hurt and the pain from the betrayal.

That is even friendship is snaping like a branch from once healthy tree.

We used to laugh and smile,

but now they throw stones and im left to take to the fall.

Will they notice me when im gone?

Will they notice me when i leave?

Cause i can no longer take the pain of them walking all over me?

If you could, would you silence the stone for me?

Bare Hands Part 2 (beware)

2010-01-02T11:59:00.002-08:00

cant escape from the sheets we have shared
this passionate momentum we have both desired
in the night which only the moon had witnessed
i whined all through the night and became so modest

you came inside me and finally; for so long have i wished
you became mine, I became yours; yet the night is still long
we make love over and over again; we both became a beast

along as our kisses are going deeper and deeper;
your naughty hands were climbing down my flower,
so long i noticed your lips were going down
finally you have reached your desired destination

without hesitation, you flustered all over me
you touched the spot I've treasured since then
you licked with those hot tongue of yours;
and oooh, i yearned for more

and when you entered the key
i became more and more aggressive
i want faster, harder and you did it for me
the night is going on, and the next is what i can't believe

we have done it with playful positions
but your hotdog was unbelievably still hard
i sucked it and never did expected it was delicious
so i took a sly position and entered my own to you

till morning, till dawn
nonstop we have entered
each other's world

but that's not the end of story,
though the night ended playfully

i was deeply hurt and tried to control myself
yet damn it this mad escape of mine won't do
you've taken my heart, my soul, my body
you trained my body until i became addicted to you

this burning desire won't go
this passionate melody won't stop

i wanted more, i reached my limit, i became so bold
i walked up straight to you and ask you for once more
and you did not refused me; like a princess i was carried
to your room that looks like ready for another erotic masterpiece

you always have amused me
you never failed to satisfy me
i was so tired, i've reached my limit,
yet you were never contented

and countless nights have you taken me
and amidst our playful scene
you finally said you loved me...

__________________________________________________________

PS. i didn't experienced it!
i was just reading a manga
and was inspired to write!
haha!

Soar I

2010-01-02T11:59:00.000-08:00

i want to soar up high!
rebuild my name; my reputation.
yet why no opportunity knocks,
in order for me to do so
i want everyone to tell me the truth!
reveal their hidden thoughts!
convey their hidden feelings!

yet why does everyone seems to be so cold?
the adults; the olders; some people,
why do they discriminate?
why do they criticize?
can't a person like me live in peace?
can't i love normally like other does?

am i trash that needed to be discarded?
the answer is no right?
i have a purpose, just like everyone else
yet why do everyone and almost everything
ends up being the barrier to my fulfillment?

Heard your voice.

2009-12-03T12:09:00.001-08:00

heard your voice; never thought that tears would drop
i am stupid; such a fool; this happiness won't ever stop.
i am miles away; yet i can hear a gentle; beautiful melody.
it's faint; and gradually fading; yet what an exquisite artistry.

though slowly disappearing; finally figured out from where is it coming.
within you; it's playing; with strings made from a very strong feeling.

recalled the melody, played it in my mind, felt the hymn,
sing with the rhythm, get along with the beat and fell sound asleep.

The Airplane Flew

2009-12-03T12:08:00.005-08:00

it's 9 pm; it's been a lonely night; it's been hours since you took off
at the window here i am now staring; crying, pouring my heart out
waiting for your plane to pass; as tears continuously fall to my mouth
while sulking; was wondering what you are doing up there.
are you even thinking of me?; damn this pain's hard to bear
are you in a beauty sleep? wish you're dreaming something good
have you eaten dinner yet? wish you'll have the appetite or mood

are you cold? don't worry; just recall our memories; our love since it's warm
do you need a pillow? problem it not; imagine you're lying in me; in my arm
are you even comfortable there? hope you have me there through the night
are you enjoying? hope you were; wish you're happy through this long flight
if something happens; if you became so lonely; just summon me;
and i'll be there...

my world has now been a black and white;
i dont have the strength or power to fight.
i'll just wait and wait here for you to come back
so for the meantime i'll need to go back in track
move on with life using these nostalgia; these reminiscence
as my power to strenghten my weak; devastated existence

It Rains

2009-12-03T12:08:00.003-08:00

this day you'll be gone
so now in darkness i'll be drawn
along with those figments of you

brightening my milieu ; and so out of the blue
raindrops came along with the wind that blew
at the window i stared,
in the sky was watching those things that flared
wishing that somehow you're here with me
watching all those birds that flee

fed up with just staring; i went out
and your name i did shout
along with this melancholic setting
a sudden sense of nostalgia was lingering
it was all recollected; the sorrowful pieces
it made myself and i torn as my pain increases

and now that you're gone; what's the next thing to do?
is it just to wait for you? still love you? miss you?
yes, i love you; its an everlasting happiness
yet it became a never-ending feeling of ache
the moment you fly away bringing my gladness
rain started to pour down from my eyes because of sadness;
i never thought letting go of your hand
was just like letting go of my own soul
and now i was left incomplete
standing on my own feet.

Bare Hands Part 1

2009-12-03T12:08:00.001-08:00

i scrutinized you with enticing eyes.
i looked at you from head to fee
i was drawn; was captivated; madness won
i went closer; and alas!
desires can no longer be resisted.
slowly, gently, faintly
i stroked your hair; fondle your cheeks; caress you in my arms,
then it started;
began with a peck; gradually became passionate
your cold yet gentle lips became so hot;
then, my bare hands finally touched it,
i played with that pinky-browny-thing along your chest
abruptly; so unexpectedly; became hard;
and yes, more desires ruled my thoughts
like having a naughty play with you;
i want you to whine, yet it didn't happen.
you blushed; became red.
you felt something weird.
then, i wanted more...
again and again; we did it.
and i was unexpectedly feeling good~
yet something happened
the swift of your eyes became so seductive,
your face became so cute
it's so hard to resist.
yet awfully this instance didn't lasted much longer.
and damn it~ I want more.
treat this as a gift for our next farewell.
remember it, cherish it, miss it, love it.
then again, we met;
cannot help ourselves;
lost in our cravings and yearnings.
disturbing hesitations
yet we began;
didn't started with a kiss..
yet awfully i went through that
and ohhh, i yearned for this mischievous feeling
guess what, it's to be continued...

[hahaha! joke lng toh~]

Another.

2009-12-03T12:07:00.000-08:00

another unpredictable day had passed.
new problems appeared.
new challenges to defeat.
new difficulties to overcome.
im trembling with excitement,
yet agitated and frightened
another fire had began.
another sparkle added to the flame.
another moment to cherish
another lesson to learn
another pain inflicted
another smile flickered
another twinkle in the eyes
another truth between lies
another determination built up
another fighting spirit lit up
another fears ahead
another tears to shed
new feelings to be encountered
new meanings to be discovered
a new priceless thing to gain
an endless shine of sun after the rain :]

Beautiful Island

2009-12-03T12:06:00.001-08:00

"if i cant give you the stars from the sky,
i'll just bring you there, just don't cry..."

you've given me the light
that given me utmost might

you've given me the love
deeper than the ocean waters have

you've made me glow
made my inner self show

you've given me the stars
and made me felt like i'm in Mars.

hotness and brightness
all shimmering and brimming.
sparkles in our romance
is what i am awaiting
timing of our togetherness
can forever be endless.
for i'll bring you to this land,
where the two of us
would start over again. =)

i want to show you as well,
that the things above our heads,
can also be reached in lands as we lead.

"Let's have a superb journey together!
let's sail to unknown seas, travel to unfamiliar lands,
let's come across, stumble upon the treasure hidden along the quest!"

Ngayong Wala ka na.

2009-12-03T12:05:00.002-08:00

ngayong wala ka na, sino na nga ba ako?
ngayong wala ka na, nasaan na ako?
ngayong wala ka na, ano pang silbi ko?
ngayong wala ka na, ano pang dahilan para mabuhay ako?

para kanino pa ba ang mga sinusulat ko?
para kanino pa ba itong pag-ibig na alay ko?
para kanino pa ba ang kantang aking ikinakanta?
para kanino pa ba kaya ako nabubuhay?

ngayong wala ka, dapat pa ba akong umasa?
ngayong wala ka, dapat pa ba akong maghintay?
ngayong wala ka, kaya ko ba maging masaya?
ngayong wala ka, kaya ko pa bang magmahal ng tunay?

ngunit, bakit ngayon, pumapatak ang luha?
ngunit, bakit ngayon, tumatangis ang aking dibdib?
ngunit, bakit ngayon, nanginginig ang aking mga laman?
ngunit, bakit ngayon, wala nang sigla ang aking kaluluwa?

bakit hindi na makuhang tumuwa pang muli?
bakit hindi na maitago ang ramdam kong ikinukubli?
bakit hindi na tumigil yaring luhang tangis ng pusong sawi?
bakit hindi na makaundagaga sa kakadama ng mga atubili?

nasan ka na ba?
ngayo'y tingin ko'y lahat ng pangako'y naglaho!
nasan ka ba?
gayong mga sumpa nati'y nawalan lahat ng bisa!
nasan ka na ba?
ngayong lagapak ang aking katauhan!
bakit mo ko iniwang nag-iisa?
ni hindi na sumulat pa,
ni hindi na tumawag pa.
nakalimutan mo na nga ba?
mga hindi mapalitang tawanan nating dalwa?
mga hindi makalimutang iyakan nating dalwa?
hindi mo na nga ba matandaan?
iyong nadaramang init at tuwa kapag ika'y hinahalikan?
iyong nadaramang saya at galak kapag ika'y hinahagkan?
humuhupay na nga ba?
mga alaala nating dalawa?
ang pag-ibig na ating isinumpang walang wakas?

o iwinala na?
ng bago mong pag-ibig?
o sa simula't sapul pa lang,
balewala na ang lahat?

sa tingin mo ba'y magiging kaibigan pa?
para sa kin hindi na! tinapos mo na!
hindi na muli maibabalik pa!
dahil sa pagiging magkaibigan
hindi ka na akin!
hindi na kita mahahagkan!
hindi ko na mahahawakan ang mga kamay mo!
hindi ko na malalaro ang buhok mo!
sapagkat hindi ko ugaling magsinungaling sa sarili!
lalo na kapag ukol sayo ang aking nadaramang muli!
wala akong nais ikubli!
tandaan mong ikaw ang susi!
sa puso kong iyong iwinawaksi.

pagkatandaan mo, kapag ka'y umalis
ikaw na ang siyang pumaslang sa dating ako
sa yumaong masayahing nakilala mo, ng lahat
hindi na mababago, sapagkat nakaguhit na ito
sa nagitla kong katauhan na iyo ring inalipusta
sa ngalan ng iyong pag-ibig na iyong winakasan na.

Along the Road.

2009-12-03T12:05:00.000-08:00

it is still too far
the road towards the sun.
the path i'll take
towards my everlasting happiness.

im wondering
how many days? how many weeks?
how many months? how many years?
before i can grasp it?

i wonder how many curves are
in this path im crossing?
i wonder if i'll get lost in this journey?
i wonder how much rains are along the way?
i wonder what'll be next phases of moon
i'll be able to see?
i wonder how sparkly and glittery
the stars will be?

i wonder how much beauty of this world
can i unravel?
i wonder who'll i meet during my journey?
i wonder if i can see my shooting star.
i wonder if i can wish,
and i wonder if it'll be granted or not.

i wonder how many miracles can i see
how much love i'll get
how many real friends i'll have
and how much pain i'll feel.

i wonder if i can survive.
i wish i can.
i really don't want to die yet.
and i really don't want to experience thousands of pain.
but i don't like the much/all happy life as well.

i want to meet many challenges.
i like thrills and tense situations.
i like adventures.
then if it's like that
i'll have my own chronicles
and surpass its own obstacles!

i'll enjoy!
i'll have fun!
though i'll cry sometimes
i'll never be bored!
i'll laugh and smile
as i continue living on
with God.
with my family.
with my true friends.
all of them guiding me.
and with my special person
who i wish to walk with in this journey.
but im really wondering
is there an end to this path?
or will this continue on forever?

sleepy. tomorrow again. ;]

Simple Things

2009-12-03T12:04:00.000-08:00

having butterflies in the stomach and nervousness
is different from
being calmed and reassured!
heart skipping beats or rapid heart beats
is different from
excitement and enthusiasm

as well as thoughts like
"cannot sleep every night because of
thinking of you, missing you"
is different from
"having a good night sleep to be with you
in my dreams, and to have enormous energy
for tomorrow with you"

as well as thoughts like
"cannot sleep because im thinking of you"
is different from
"cannot sleep because im waiting for you"

same as the thought
"having a good night sleep to see you
in my dreams"
is different from
"having a good night sleep knowing that
you'll worry if i don't have any sleep at all"

being jealous all the time without trust
is different from
being jealous with trust
with the half thoughts same
wanting no one to get too close to your love one
but d one with without trust has a frown in his/her face
with a hard and painful feeling dealing with it
& the one with trust has a smile on his/her cheeks
with a soft though painful and happy feeling seeing her/him happy.

saying i love you without any restraints at all & without being shy
is different from
saying i love you with countless restraints and shyness.
for saying those words has a big responsibility
within it and has millions of meanings with one thought
where you are activating the pain,
preparing the mind, and planting your soul
without this,
your words has no value neither worth nor meaning

in simple thoughts, phenomenons, reasoning,
and various differentiations
we can distinguish whether
infatuation or love is what we are feeling, :]

Cupid-ity

2009-12-03T12:03:00.003-08:00

cupid's arrow aimed the wrong soul.
so then it was a foul.
from this i guess cupid also has his own mistakes
for he truly aimed the other person's soul
the thing was, i passed through the angle and
in result i was the one shot in the muddle.
from that i guess im at fault too.
but it was coward of him to leave me through.
he left me falling in love with you
inspite that im the wrong person for you.
he didn't only shot me off-guard
but brought me the feeling of pain due to unwariness
and bleeding through his arrow's tip which has absolute sharpness
so it's apparent that i'm shot deeply within.
then we met, encountered, and interacted.
formed a bond that can't easily be defeated.
pains and wounds, all had been healed unconsciously.
by the trust and love that is never lost that easily.
now, that feeling is deeper than the ocean
and stronger than the wind can blow
why do weakness reveal themselves?
making us go back from the very beginning and making us part
with the unacceptable truth
that we are not made for each other from the very start.
asiding the fault of cupid that cannot be reverted and corrected
the only problem, enigma, hitch, and difficulty is one.
and all the other obstacles, im confident we'll overcome undefeated.

i feel dissatisfied, discontented and sullen.
i don't know where to start and i don`t know how to end my story.
it feels like thousand of blades are passing through me.

im surrounded by questions.
and i'll share some here.

"why was it so wrong even if the feeling is so right?"
"why do i feel lonely all along through the night?"
"why does everything goes against our away?"
"why does our distance is increasing each day?"
"why am i the one chosen to have this fate?"
"why do i have to struggle and fight my own faith?"
"why do we love each other so much?"
"why am i longing for the touch?"
"why do i feel complete?"
"why do i desire to compete?"
"why is everything falling apart?"
and
"why do we need to part?"

Cloudy Sky

2009-12-03T12:03:00.001-08:00

Cloudy Sky
hazy, misty, gloomy, and vague
the sun hidden behind the clouds
the ray of light shining across the sea
and it's reflection amidst the water
like mirrors trapped underneath
concealed with ambiguous gist

...

another day with a dark cloudy sky

along with wind of vicious gust that cries

and towers thrusting skyward

giving signs that its about to rain hard

when rain starts to drop, dusk is next, isn't it?

the milieu starts to fall into blackness

and soon everyone feels pensive as darkness is approaching.

we have no boundaries in our thoughts

and same for our feelings that is without bounds.

i am wondering and pondering in thoughts

why do the sun needs to hide

behind the clouds when it rains?

resembling the question

why do hopes and light needs to hide

behind those lies when it's dark and hopeless?

i am so weary to reason, contemplate and mull over

but still my curiosity to this uncertainty in life

drives me to exploring reality beyond illusory

"answer the genuine truth that lies within
don't let the mirrors trap you in
or else in your eyes and soul nothing can be seen."

-ren-