Heard your voice.

heard your voice; never thought that tears would drop
i am stupid; such a fool; this happiness won't ever stop.
i am miles away; yet i can hear a gentle; beautiful melody.
it's faint; and gradually fading; yet what an exquisite artistry.

though slowly disappearing; finally figured out from where is it coming.
within you; it's playing; with strings made from a very strong feeling.

recalled the melody, played it in my mind, felt the hymn,
sing with the rhythm, get along with the beat and fell sound asleep.

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The Airplane Flew

it's 9 pm; it's been a lonely night; it's been hours since you took off
at the window here i am now staring; crying, pouring my heart out
waiting for your plane to pass; as tears continuously fall to my mouth
while sulking; was wondering what you are doing up there.
are you even thinking of me?; damn this pain's hard to bear
are you in a beauty sleep? wish you're dreaming something good
have you eaten dinner yet? wish you'll have the appetite or mood

are you cold? don't worry; just recall our memories; our love since it's warm
do you need a pillow? problem it not; imagine you're lying in me; in my arm
are you even comfortable there? hope you have me there through the night
are you enjoying? hope you were; wish you're happy through this long flight
if something happens; if you became so lonely; just summon me;
and i'll be there...

 

my world has now been a black and white;
i dont have the strength or power to fight.
i'll just wait and wait here for you to come back
so for the meantime i'll need to go back in track
move on with life using these nostalgia; these reminiscence
as my power to strenghten my weak; devastated existence

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It Rains

this day you'll be gone
so now in darkness i'll be drawn
 along with those figments of you

brightening my milieu ; and so out of the blue
raindrops came along with the wind that blew
at the window i stared,
in the sky was watching those things that flared
wishing that somehow you're here with me
watching all those birds that flee

fed up with just staring; i went out
and your name i did shout
along with this melancholic setting
a sudden sense of nostalgia was lingering
it was all recollected; the sorrowful pieces
it made myself and i torn as my pain increases

and now that you're gone; what's the next thing to do?
is it just to wait for you? still love you? miss you?
yes, i love you; its an everlasting happiness
yet it became a never-ending feeling of ache
the moment you fly away bringing my gladness
rain started to pour down from my eyes because of sadness;
i never thought letting go of your hand
was just like letting go of my own soul
and now i was left incomplete
standing on my own feet.

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Bare Hands Part 1

i scrutinized you with enticing eyes.
i looked at you from head to fee
i was drawn; was captivated; madness won
i went closer; and alas!
desires can no longer be resisted.
slowly, gently, faintly
i stroked your hair; fondle your cheeks; caress you in my arms,
then it started;
began with a peck; gradually became passionate
your cold yet gentle lips became so hot;
then, my bare hands finally touched it,
i played with that pinky-browny-thing along your chest
abruptly; so unexpectedly; became hard;
and yes, more desires ruled my thoughts
like having a naughty play with you;
i want you to whine, yet it didn't happen.
you blushed; became red.
you felt something weird.
then, i wanted more...
again and again; we did it.
and i was unexpectedly feeling good~
yet something happened
the swift of your eyes became so seductive,
your face became so cute
it's so hard to resist.
yet awfully this instance didn't lasted much longer.
and damn it~ I want more.
treat this as a gift for our next farewell.
remember it, cherish it, miss it, love it.
then again, we met;
cannot help ourselves;
lost in our cravings and yearnings.
disturbing hesitations
yet we began;
didn't started with a kiss..
yet awfully i went through that
and ohhh, i yearned for this mischievous feeling
guess what, it's to be continued...

[hahaha! joke lng toh~]

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Another.

another unpredictable day had passed.
new problems appeared.
new challenges to defeat.
new difficulties to overcome.
im trembling with excitement,
yet agitated and frightened
another fire had began.
another sparkle added to the flame.
another moment to cherish
another lesson to learn
another pain inflicted
another smile flickered
another twinkle in the eyes
another truth between lies
another determination built up
another fighting spirit lit up
another fears ahead
another tears to shed
new feelings to be encountered
new meanings to be discovered
a new priceless thing to gain
an endless shine of sun after the rain :]

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Beautiful Island

"if i cant give you the stars from the sky,
i'll just bring you there, just don't cry..."

you've given me the light
that given me utmost might

you've given me the love
deeper than the ocean waters have

you've made me glow
made my inner self show

you've given me the stars
and made me felt like i'm in Mars.

hotness and brightness
all shimmering and brimming.
sparkles in our romance
is what i am awaiting
timing of our togetherness
can forever be endless.
for i'll bring you to this land,
where the two of us
would start over again. =)

i want to show you as well,
that the things above our heads,
can also be reached in lands as we lead.

"Let's have a superb journey together!
let's sail to unknown seas, travel to unfamiliar lands,
let's come across, stumble upon the treasure hidden along the quest!"

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Ngayong Wala ka na.

ngayong wala ka na, sino na nga ba ako?
ngayong wala ka na, nasaan na ako?
ngayong wala ka na, ano pang silbi ko?
ngayong wala ka na, ano pang dahilan para mabuhay ako?


para kanino pa ba ang mga sinusulat ko?
para kanino pa ba itong pag-ibig na alay ko?
para kanino pa ba ang kantang aking ikinakanta?
para kanino pa ba kaya ako nabubuhay?


ngayong wala ka, dapat pa ba akong umasa?
ngayong wala ka, dapat pa ba akong maghintay?
ngayong wala ka, kaya ko ba maging masaya?
ngayong wala ka, kaya ko pa bang magmahal ng tunay?


ngunit, bakit ngayon, pumapatak ang luha?
ngunit, bakit ngayon, tumatangis ang aking dibdib?
ngunit, bakit ngayon, nanginginig ang aking mga laman?
ngunit, bakit ngayon, wala nang sigla ang aking kaluluwa?


bakit hindi na makuhang tumuwa pang muli?
bakit hindi na maitago ang ramdam kong ikinukubli?
bakit hindi na tumigil yaring luhang tangis ng pusong sawi?
bakit hindi na makaundagaga sa kakadama ng mga atubili?


nasan ka na ba?
ngayo'y tingin ko'y lahat ng pangako'y naglaho!
nasan ka ba?
gayong mga sumpa nati'y nawalan lahat ng bisa!
nasan ka na ba?
ngayong lagapak ang aking katauhan!
bakit mo ko iniwang nag-iisa?
ni hindi na sumulat pa,
ni hindi na tumawag pa.
nakalimutan mo na nga ba?
mga hindi mapalitang tawanan nating dalwa?
mga hindi makalimutang iyakan nating dalwa?
hindi mo na nga ba matandaan?
iyong nadaramang init at tuwa kapag ika'y hinahalikan?
iyong nadaramang saya at galak kapag ika'y hinahagkan?
humuhupay na nga ba?
mga alaala nating dalawa?
ang pag-ibig na ating isinumpang walang wakas?


o iwinala na?
ng bago mong pag-ibig?
o sa simula't sapul pa lang,
balewala na ang lahat?


sa tingin mo ba'y magiging kaibigan pa?
para sa kin hindi na! tinapos mo na!
hindi na muli maibabalik pa!
dahil sa pagiging magkaibigan
hindi ka na akin!
hindi na kita mahahagkan!
hindi ko na mahahawakan ang mga kamay mo!
hindi ko na malalaro ang buhok mo!
sapagkat hindi ko ugaling magsinungaling sa sarili!
lalo na kapag ukol sayo ang aking nadaramang muli!
wala akong nais ikubli!
tandaan mong ikaw ang susi!
sa puso kong iyong iwinawaksi.


pagkatandaan mo, kapag ka'y umalis
ikaw na ang siyang pumaslang sa dating ako
sa yumaong masayahing nakilala mo, ng lahat
hindi na mababago, sapagkat nakaguhit na ito
sa nagitla kong katauhan na iyo ring inalipusta
sa ngalan ng iyong pag-ibig na iyong winakasan na.

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Along the Road.

it is still too far
the road towards the sun.
the path i'll take
towards my everlasting happiness.

im wondering
how many days? how many weeks?
how many months? how many years?
before i can grasp it?

i wonder how many curves are
in this path im crossing?
i wonder if i'll get lost in this journey?
i wonder how much rains are along the way?
i wonder what'll be next phases of moon
i'll be able to see?
i wonder how sparkly and glittery
the stars will be?

i wonder how much beauty of this world
can i unravel?
i wonder who'll i meet during my journey?
i wonder if i can see my shooting star.
i wonder if i can wish,
and i wonder if it'll be granted or not.

i wonder how many miracles can i see
how much love i'll get
how many real friends i'll have
and how much pain i'll feel.

i wonder if i can survive.
i wish i can.
i really don't want to die yet.
and i really don't want to experience thousands of pain.
but i don't like the much/all happy life as well.

i want to meet many challenges.
i like thrills and tense situations.
i like adventures.
then if it's like that
i'll have my own chronicles
and surpass its own obstacles!

i'll enjoy!
i'll have fun!
though i'll cry sometimes
i'll never be bored!
i'll laugh and smile
as i continue living on
with God.
with my family.
with my true friends.
all of them guiding me.
and with my special person
who i wish to walk with in this journey.
but im really wondering
is there an end to this path?
or will this continue on forever?

sleepy. tomorrow again. ;]

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Simple Things

having butterflies in the stomach and nervousness
is different from
being calmed and reassured!
heart skipping beats or rapid heart beats
is different from
excitement and enthusiasm

as well as thoughts like
"cannot sleep every night because of
thinking of you, missing you"
is different from
"having a good night sleep to be with you
in my dreams, and to have enormous energy
for tomorrow with you"

as well as thoughts like
"cannot sleep because im thinking of you"
is different from
"cannot sleep because im waiting for you"

same as the thought
"having a good night sleep to see you
in my dreams"
is different from
"having a good night sleep knowing that
you'll worry if i don't have any sleep at all"

being jealous all the time without trust
is different from
being jealous with trust
with the half thoughts same
wanting no one to get too close to your love one
but d one with without trust has a frown in his/her face
with a hard and painful feeling dealing with it
& the one with trust has a smile on his/her cheeks
with a soft though painful and happy feeling seeing her/him happy.

saying i love you without any restraints at all & without being shy
is different from
saying i love you with countless restraints and shyness.
for saying those words has a big responsibility
within it and has millions of meanings with one thought
where you are activating the pain,
preparing the mind, and planting your soul
without this,
your words has no value neither worth nor meaning

in simple thoughts, phenomenons, reasoning,
and various differentiations
we can distinguish whether
infatuation or love is what we are feeling, :]

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Cupid-ity

cupid's arrow aimed the wrong soul.
so then it was a foul.
from this i guess cupid also has his own mistakes
for he truly aimed the other person's soul
the thing was, i passed through the angle and
in result i was the one shot in the muddle.
from that i guess im at fault too.
but it was coward of him to leave me through.
he left me falling in love with you
inspite that im the wrong person for you.
he didn't only shot me off-guard
but brought me the feeling of pain due to unwariness
and bleeding through his arrow's tip which has absolute sharpness
so it's apparent that i'm shot deeply within.
then we met, encountered, and interacted.
formed a bond that can't easily be defeated.
pains and wounds, all had been healed unconsciously.
by the trust and love that is never lost that easily.
now, that feeling is deeper than the ocean
and stronger than the wind can blow
why do weakness reveal themselves?
making us go back from the very beginning and making us part
with the unacceptable truth
that we are not made for each other from the very start.
asiding the fault of cupid that cannot be reverted and corrected
the only problem, enigma, hitch, and difficulty is one.
and all the other obstacles, im confident we'll overcome undefeated.

i feel dissatisfied, discontented and sullen.
i don't know where to start and i don`t know how to end my story.
it feels like thousand of blades are passing through me.

im surrounded by questions.
and i'll share some here.

"why was it so wrong even if the feeling is so right?"
"why do i feel lonely all along through the night?"
"why does everything goes against our away?"
"why does our distance is increasing each day?"
"why am i the one chosen to have this fate?"
"why do i have to struggle and fight my own faith?"
"why do we love each other so much?"
"why am i longing for the touch?"
"why do i feel complete?"
"why do i desire to compete?"
"why is everything falling apart?"
and
"why do we need to part?"

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Cloudy Sky

Cloudy Sky
hazy, misty, gloomy, and vague
the sun hidden behind the clouds
the ray of light shining across the sea
and it's reflection amidst the water
like mirrors trapped underneath
concealed with ambiguous gist

...

another day with a dark cloudy sky

along with wind of vicious gust that cries

and towers thrusting skyward

giving signs that its about to rain hard

when rain starts to drop, dusk is next, isn't it?

the milieu starts to fall into blackness

and soon everyone feels pensive as darkness is approaching.

we have no boundaries in our thoughts

and same for our feelings that is without bounds.

i am wondering and pondering in thoughts

why do the sun needs to hide

behind the clouds when it rains?

resembling the question

why do hopes and light needs to hide

behind those lies when it's dark and hopeless?

i am so weary to reason, contemplate and mull over

but still my curiosity to this uncertainty in life

drives me to exploring reality beyond illusory

"answer the genuine truth that lies within
don't let the mirrors trap you in
or else in your eyes and soul nothing can be seen."

-ren-

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